Snooki is a Role Model

QU’EST–CE QUE FUCK?

Dawson was beside me when Snooki was called a role model. I wish I could tell you this was his reaction, but that’s how his face always is.

You read the title correctly. Yeah, a real, live, human being once called Snooki a role model. And I lost all faith in humanity. And then I started to cry.

CONTEXT

The other day I was sitting and eating my lunch, minding my own business, when a case of eavesdroppingitis kicked in. That was when a very stupid girl, talking to her equally stupid friend, assaulted me with the claim: “Snooki is a great role model. She’s successful and beautiful. People could learn a lot from her.”

I hurt.

I hurt hearing this.

I hurt now having to type it out.

I hurt because I am so confused.

I probably would have said something, had I not started choking on my sandwich. I debated turning around several times afterwards, except I was afraid I might kill them. I don’t want to go to prison, I’d become the bitch’s bitch. As the girls walked past me though, I did manage to throw them an:

WHY TELEVISION? WHY HAS THOU FORESAKEN ME?

Is this what the world has come to? Have we really become that stupid? I know, I know, my own rules say that everyone is stupid. And we all are. But this? To sit there and claim that a Reality TV star who has become famous for drinking and being an idiot is a role model takes this rule to a whole new level.

How did this happen? How did Reality TV go from being a novelty, to being a fad, to being the only thing people care about, to creating role models?

I have no idea. I wish I knew.

LET’S TALK ABOUT REALITY TELEVISION

This is… American Idol (obviously said in that lame-Ryan-Seacrest-intro-voice)

American Idol is the most popular show in the universe right now and it makes me want to cry. Now according to Neilson Ratings, there is something wrong with me, because everyone else on the planet loves this stuff. And I’m sorry, but I can’t respect a show where most of the winners are not the ones becoming famous. Plus it made this guy famous:

American Idol gave the world William Hung. Isn’t that enough to dislike the show?

The saddest part though, is that of all the reality television shows, American Idol is probably the least loathsome. There is so much other crap out there like Jersey Shore, this Housewives garbage, Survivor (how is this show still on? How? Someone please explain this to me), and the goddamn-bloody-awful-why-do-they-exist-at-all-fucking-kardashians.

Excuse me while I go scream into a pillow.

DANGEROUS TERRITORY

We are headed for dangerous territory here. Forget how stupid, contrived, annoying, disgusting, stupid, bad, repetitive, fake, and stupid I think Reality TV is for one moment. Whether you love it, or hate it, just stop and consider this. The pervasiveness of Reality TV has gotten so bad that it has actually managed to convince a poor stupid girl that she should look up to Snooki.

That is not good. That is not healthy. Now, I have never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. The little bit I have seen comes from commercials and the internet. But I don’t get it. I don’t get why the hell anyone would want to watch it. But that’s not important. What is important is to stress that NO ONE ever so slightly affiliated with this television program should ever be considered a role model by anyone. Ever.

My understanding is that the majority of the people like the show because they feel superior after watching it. These rich idiots make you poor idiots feel better. I don’t understand how. Us poor idiots are still poor. And no matter how stupid they are, the rich idiots are still rich. That depresses me.

Reality TV fans, please, defend yourselves. Defend your beloved television shows now that you know that there are people out there who don’t watch something like Jersey Shore to feel superior, but for inspiration on how to live their lives. I can barely handle this crap on the air, I don’t need it in my life too.

RULE # 1 IN A NEW LIGHT

The cast of Jersey Shore. Also known as the “apocalypse”

Rule # 1: Everyone is stupid. This blog’s most important rule. I have found that Reality TV does nothing but insist upon this. Not only does it prove that the world is full of idiots, it also proves that there are millions of more idiots who desperately want to gawk at them. Never have I been more afraid for humanity than I am now. If the cast of Jersey Shore are considered role models, than I hope the world does end in 2012.

MY ELITIST JERK OPINION

If I haven’t come off sounding like an elitist jerk yet, I’m slightly disappointed in your perception. If I have in anyway offended you, good. You need the rude awakening. Actually, if you’re a reality television fan (and still reading this), please do me a favour and go read this article from the Huffington Post.  The elitist-jerkism of the piece makes me happy, not to mention I agree with it.

Finally, I beg of you, please let us watch less reality television and more quality scripted television shows that actually encourage thinking; or even (God forbid), pick up a book and try that reading thing we use to do when we were in school.

I’m a firm believer we’re all idiots, and trust me; we don’t need any help from Reality TV.

WHAT DOES THE ELITIST- JERK WATCH?

After I spent all that time bashing your trashy television, it’s only fair I share the shows I enjoy watching. Well, my favourite show of all time is Lost, I can marathon that show all day and bask in the happiness of what I thought was the best (and smartest) television show ever.

Beyond that I’m a big fan of Criminal Minds and The Big Bang Theory (the only two shows I currently watch faithfully). But there are hundreds of good shows out there that make you think, that are artistic, and that let you take something away from the show other than “I’m glad I’m not that stupid”. Shows like: Mad Men, 24, Dexter, Breaking Bad, Six Feet Under, and The Sopranos. Or if that’s all too violent / offensive, go watch M*A*S*H, that was some brilliant stuff.

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About Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine

When I know, you'll know.
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8 Responses to Snooki is a Role Model

  1. julian says:

    absolutely awesome dude but good luck dealing with the idiots who will read this and start attacking you.
    -jube jube

    • Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine says:

      Dear Jube Jube,
      I actually kind of want the really passionate people to start attacking me. Not for the fight, but because I’m honestly and genuinely curious as to how they would go about attacking me and defending it. I think it would either be a fascinating conversation or a very short one. Either way I would win. So if you know people who would “atttack”, please direct them here.
      Sincerely,
      Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine

  2. jaypeeel says:

    I’m usually a positive person but I am beginning to believe this world is hopeless after hearing about your pain. I hope no other human being has to suffer what your ears have suffered. May you recover quickly from this horrific accident.

    • Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine says:

      I’ve decided to edit my comment here. Don’t let the stupid people get you down! We need people like you in the world, people who have strength to stay positive. It counter balances people like me, who have given up. Although I know, things like this make it difficult. The internet is here for you.

      • The Fellow Yellow Brother Down the Block says:

        Now I’m left to spend the rest of my life wondering what your original comment was…

      • Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine says:

        I’m sure whatever it was, the comment was a 35.5 out of 10…

  3. lol. sarah told me you had a blog. i have no idea why i had to read THIS post…because now i want to cry. tell me these girls weren’t utm students 😦 nvm… it would be so ironically fitting if they were. aaaack.

    • Mr. Ray of Freaking Sunshine says:

      I know it’s very depressing. And I hate to tell you, but yes, they are UTM students. Just remember, do not be brought down by the stupidity of your peers, rise up above it.

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